You Had Me @ Hello

So there's this boy. Let's call him @.
I love @, and have done so for some time. However, I'm not dating @, I'm not his girlfriend, he has no commitment to me.
When I'm with @, it feels like nothing in the world could go wrong, but lately i can feel my chances with him slipping through my fingertips like a japanese silk scarf. Have you ever held Japanese silk? It feels like nothing. I'm beginning to notice that my relationship with @ really is silk; its nothing.
It kills me to feel this distant from the one I love, when he is so close.

heroes get remembered, legends never die

so I pretty much haven't had time to blog for ages. reet.
Last night was my last ever dancing concert, yeah I know it's petty but after thirteen years, it was the end. But it's great because I never have to run through backstage of the entertainment centre, half changed costumes as I go, to make it on in time for the fir the next item. You probably wouldn't have ever tried it, but it turns out I can change out of an english red coat costume into a full kilt in about eighty-six seconds.

A late start at school today, thanks to mum.
Brooke: "mum can I be late to school to get tickets to soundwave"
Mum: "whats soundwave"
Brooke: "oh just some music festival"
Mum: "will there be drugs there?"
Brooke: "no. absolutely not. (hahahah)"
Dad: "will there be boys there?"
Brooke: "definitely not. there will be no boys at soundwave."
hahahahah

all you sucka MC's aint got nothing on me

eight exams are over. thank fuck.
but now I'm left with two more assignments to do this weekend, before my dancing concert next weekend. Yes, my life really is that lame. Chemistry isn't really worth doing; we have to do a full analysis of some wine we made (I don't see the point, all it smells like is cheap goon) and its impossible, I've all but given up.
For english, I have to write my autobiography. One small problem, I don't know who I am. I know that I've changed; but how do I know how much?

I wish I could do better by you 'cause its what you deserve

I've come to love the work of courtney brims over the past few weeks, its mystical.

what the fuck do i want to do for the rest of my life?

so last week i did the QCS, which helps calculate my FP's which goes towards my OP which goes on my QCE. Then i'll apply to QTAC with my LUI to see if i actually get into a course. So many acronyms, so little time.

It seems surreal that im 16 and about to apply to courses that will pretty much shape what i'm going to do for the rest of my life. How am I supposed to choose between courses?

I want to be a mathematician, because math is beautiful. I love the way that it can prove something, and all of the elements fall into place and everything cancels out leaving only the answer. But if i do a degree in math, will I even get a job? Will it be bland and repetitious?

I want to be an acoustic engineer, because sound is fascinating. I love the way that it crosses over the senses. Like you can hear sound, feel sound when the bass is pumping in your chest and see sound when you see the soundwaves. But currently, there is no course for this. Dang.

Most of all, I want to be a model. It absolutely captivates me. I love doing fashion shows and photo shoots are simply the most fun you can have with your clothes on. But i need to leave Mackay, obviously. I need an agent, but how do I get one? Nothing is certain, nothing is guaranteed.

Left in a state of disarray, where do I go from here?

colder than my heart if you can imagine

I'm fascinated by the way society can construct things for everyone to believe. Following the pack, we all accept and conform to what could be complete bullshit to be the truth. Is there any reality beyond what we personally know and have proof for?

Love is a strange idea. No one can truly define it through words, pictures or song. Every time, love hurts, but yet every time, we start over, and chase it again. If it wasn't so good, it wouldn't be worth the hurt or the chase. How do we know that love exists? Its the centre of our lives, the centre of society, but have you noticed that there seems to be 'right' and 'wrong' types of love?

Its constructed by the truths of society that love can only between man and woman, only loving one person, and that one person must be of the same age and class as you. But if love is supposed to be spiritual and personal, do we not have the right to decide this for ourselves and make our own truths, but does there have to be truths at all, is it not enough to simply live, and love, without asking for truths or acknowledgement, or a little smiley face sticker for being perfect?